Is this the feeling called love?
by Jolien9
Summary: In the 6th book Hermione is heartbroken when Ron dates Lavender, I think it's a feeling we all know. This is a story I wrote in my PoV, but after reading it again I realized it looked very much like Hermione's story and her feelings about Ron.
1. Chapter 1

**I wrote this when I felt bad about a boy I really, really like. After reading it again, I realized this was a bit how Hermione felt in the 6th book. This story is based on my own feelings and life. You can read it from Hermione's PoV or mine...**

Is this the feeling called love? Why does he need to be so perfect , so loveable and above all why does he need to be so popular? Yes, he is popular but he doesn't know himself. I'm sure there are so many girls who crush on him, or is that just my feeling?

I feel like dying inside, because the person I need the most doesn't need me as much as I do. I wonder why, There's no one who could love him more than I do, I'm sure. But then there's _her _does she hold him like I do? Does she need me like I do? Does _he _need her like I need him? I don't want to be alone, when I'm alone, I start thinking. I don't want to be with friends, when I'm with friends I need to pretend everything is alright.

God, I miss him, It's been almost 2 weeks since our last hug. I felt like a part of me was leaving with him, I'm not complete anymore. I'm myself with him, I can lay next to him without saying a word for ours just watching the stars. I can fall asleep on his shoulder, cause I know he will take care of me, 'cause it just feels so natural.

I'm standing on the edge of giving up and waiting for how much I can take. So much happened this year, but he helped me through it all. My friends keep telling me how sweet we are together, but it doesn't make things better, it just make me realize even more how much I need him.

He's such a gentleman, but he doesn't know himself. I don't want to break anything, our friendship is too special. His hugs are way too long for 'just friends', his words too patient, his eyes too emotional. He's too careful, too thoughtful, too many hugs are given. I would give the world for him, but would he do the same? It's strange how he's the only one who can fix this when he's the who makes me feel this way. He makes me laugh and cry, he makes me feel better and worse even though he doesn't know about those last things he does know there's something wrong, but how can I tell him? I just can't. I can hate _her_, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I don't think she knows how lucky she is. And I think I'm terribly, terribly in love. It's something I never felt before, he doesn't know how he's changing me.

God, I love him, I love him with my whole heart. And I don't think I will ever get over this. I can't wait forever even though it's what I want to do, I can't spend my days waiting for him, for him to realize how much I need him. One day I will tell, I'm sure, maybe tomorrow, maybe in 10 years.

All I want is to hold him close. He's the one I want to spend my life with, and I'm only 16. People say it's just young love, but I don't think so, it's been more than a year since I met him, I don't know when I realized I was in love with him, I must have been a week after I met him. When he broke my heart by finding a girl. I will see him again soon, and I hope he realizes one day that I mean something to him. That's all I can wish for, when we saw a shooting star he told me to make a wish. I wished I could stay on that spot forever, wearing his sweater and his arm around me because I was cold, just watching the stars. We fell asleep there, my head on his shoulder and his head leaning against mine. That very moment was magical to me but it made me know how it felt to have something I'll never have…


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, here I am again. The other chapter really helped me so it was time to write my feelings down again. Some of you post really supportive reviews, thanks for that ;) If others will tell this is a FANFICTION site, well sorry but, screw them I'm feeling so much better after writing and posting this. I can leave a little of the pain on the internet… and the reviews are helping too of course ;) So I saw the mysterious perfect guy again this weekend. Actually he's not perfect, nobody is, but it looks like he's perfect because you all read this through my eyes and in my eyes he is perfect. Well this is what happened this weekend - omg, a smiley, didn't know my computer had these… whatever, on whit the story! **

Yesterday, I talked to him, we were talking about a friend I lost this year, well… the conversation got really serious. We talked about death, what the next thing was and it thought me how clever he is. He knows the speed of light, coms up whit super smart ideas and so much more.

The conversation turned into a 'before I die…' conversation and now I can't get the image of him… I can't even write it down… sorry ;) well it's haunting me.

He told about his girlfriend, how everything felt right. I suppose that's the different between me and Hermione, Ron never truly loved Lavender, I think he does love her.

It means he's happy, that's great, that's really amazing, but I can't stop feeling bad, and selfish…

That's when I just lost it, damn… I cried in front of him but I can't tell why… Yeah, he took it well, he was holding me and I kept telling 'Everything's alright' Yeah right, like he believed that…

Even though all those stupid things it was an amazing weekend, to see the friends you see once, maybe twice in a year (but I love them all, they are my French-Dutch-superfriends :D)

I slept next to him… uhm against him, yeah okay…, I admit, I slept on his shoulder and he against my head (Don't know why 'cause he had a pillow…)

I'll be fine, btw, just going on with life, this is something I need to let go 'cause I feel like we're never going to be together and that's why I don't tell about my feelings, want to keep him as a friend.

So I feel like you need to know this:

I'm from Belgium! (Belgium is cool! ;))

I'm doing art at school, yuy!

No, I'm not going to tell my real name, or the place I life, this is still the Internet

Yesterday, I took a very sweet picture of me and THE guy (Feel like putting a link here but I don't really trust it… argh)

Today a women on the bus told me I would be the perfect Hermione :o because I was reading a book and I've got curly hear… well loved her!

The picture… argh…

I've got two little sisters

This one isn't that fun: the friend I lost was, well it was hard but HE put me through it all, thanks to him!

When I grow up, I want to be a writer, 'cause I truly love writing! (Not in English, in Dutch of course… or maybe I do, when my English got better…)

That's it I guess, thanks for reading, Review! You really don't know how much you help me whit that. Well if something happens ;) I'll let you know… wow, it feels great to show my happy side, 'cause in reality I'm very positive and things… well bye! Thnx again, for reading and REVIEWING…


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